Day 7954

Jun. 20th, 2011 05:31 pm
wren08: (apple)
Emily decided to run away today. We fought this morning because she threw her breakfast in the garbage and then lied to me about it. So before I got home, she took off and left a note saying she would be back by tomorrow.

!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

She's home and she's safe... this time. I had visions of trains, snakes, heat exhaustion, rapists, murderers and other sundry dangers attendant on a 13 year old walking down the road unattended.

This is not the first time she has run away. The next time, I'm not even going looking, I'm calling the police immediately and she can spend the night in juvenile.
wren08: (lol)
If a man offers to grill for you, you need to understand a few plain facts.

1. This does not mean that you have the night off from cooking. You want that, you go to a restaurant. You will be needed for help with prep work and, more importantly, companionship and as a cheering section. (Guys like a lot of applause. It's a good thing most women don't usually need as much- we'd all starve.)

2. It's going to take all day. Not 30 minutes, not 3 hours- all day.

3. It's going to be very very messy. Not just the grill but the kitchen and all points inbetween. And unless the man is uncommon, you will be the one cleaning it up. All of them will say they will clean up after themselves- only a few rare ones do.

4. Beer will be involved.

5. So will fire, obviously. Burned fingers are likely- burned houses are possible.

6. There will be cursing. Also accelerant. Sometimes there will be cursing about the accelerant.

7. Chances are, no matter how well you prepare before hand, a trip to the store will have to be made at some point, by someone.

8. Sometimes several trips.

9. Since no woman can properly tend a grill, and the grill must not be left unattended, you will have to be the one to go to the store.

10. And go back because no matter what you got, it's not right or not all of it or something else was found lacking after you left.

11. At the end of it all, you may or may not have a main dish worth eating, depending on the skill of the cook.Side dishes must be made separately and preferably beforehand. Hence the popularity of cold side dishes such as potato salad and cole slaw with grilled meats.

********************************************************************************************************

Totally not what happened today- although it did take all day and beer was involved. 80s made dinner (partly on the grill) and it was fabulous!

Day 2020

Jun. 20th, 2010 11:19 am
wren08: (love books)
Happy Father's Day Dad, wherever you are. I miss you.

I am not a very nice person )

Day 2035

Jun. 6th, 2010 06:23 am
wren08: (Default)
First, no, I haven't finished the floor... I ran out of glue. This has taken so long because I am being lazy about it- I need to cut that out.

Yesterday was a day and a half long, I tell you what!

I had to return Eliz's rental car- it was rented in my name on my card (she's going to have to pay me back for it). And she was less than cooperative. She had to work so I had to find someone else to go to her house with me and pick it up and drive it back to the rental place. When I turned it in, they actually asked me if I needed a ride back to somewhere but I didn't know they were going to do that.

Then I had to get by the bank and deal with some CDs that had matured- the interest rates are awful right now.

And go pick up glue and some other things for working on the living room.

And take in the recycling- we saw Emily's first grade teacher while we were there which was a nice surprise.

and then I had Bella Sera in the evening- that gets it's own entry.

In other news, Emily and I have been trying to find a picture for a spot in the living room. We looked at a couple of Van Goghs, a Wysocki, a Kinkade and nothing was just sending us... and then I looked on Etsy and found this:



It's by a Tennessee painter and we both agreed it was the one we wanted!

A funny thing about that, I put all the pictures we were considering in a slideshow on the computer for Emily to look at and when one of them came up she said "It's ok but it looks like Van Gogh and I don't like Van Gogh."

!!!!!!!!!!

It really was a Van Gogh- Autumn in the Garden- but goodness, how did she learn what a Van Gogh looks like?

She comes up with stuff sometimes that I don't know where she got. The other day Mr Tim offered her candy and she told him no. Her reason was that she's going to be diabetic if she eats candy. That's a bit of a misconception but I don't think I'll correct her facts since she really does need to cut down on the sugar and diabetes does run in the family.

And I am getting my Christmas gift from Mom very early. My drill is about gone- the bushings are burning up- and I would really really like a cordless DeWalt drill. I mentioned it to Mom and she said that she was planning on getting me one for Christmas- but I needed it now so go ahead and order it and we'll wrap up a picture of it at Christmas time. What an awesome Christmas gift!!!

Next entry- Bella Sera!

Day 2100

Mar. 31st, 2010 07:03 am
wren08: (Spring tree)
"This season is defined by allergies and butterflies."
-Eliz

???

Jun. 5th, 2009 11:55 am
wren08: (question kitty)
Emily, not being able to remember the word for "scale", just stepped on the side of the 'weight thermometer'! LOL!!

Also funny, I bought cherries Wednesday because they are on sale at a good price and I love them. When I got home yesterday, Anna had helped herself to three... two on the counter and one in the floor of the living room. It seems they make great cat toys too.
wren08: (question kitty)
Q: How many surrealists does it take to change a lightbulb?

A1: One to put the giraffe in the bathtub, and one to paint the tractor a bright happy shade of A-flat-minor.

I love this!!!

"Knowledge is Power. Power Corrupts. Study Hard. Be Evil." -- t-shirt

I should get Emily this T-shirt. Or maybe, make a poster of it for her room...
wren08: (Default)
Emily was chattering over dinner tonight (long after I had finished as usual) and she was asking me "Why don't we have rabbits hopping about in the yard? It's really peaceful here... and every thing's quiet." *short pause*

"Everything except me, that is."

Which absolutely made me howl with laughter because it is so so very accurate!

Day 4709

Jun. 24th, 2006 08:53 am
wren08: (Writing)
My brother and I are always going on about how we have been trying to raise our parents unsuccessfully for years. I posted this story about my Dad in someone else's comments but it really deserves to go here. This is a classic example of not succeeding in raising them. He was living in Florida and called me up about 10 years ago. The conversation ran like this: (Note: at the time my Dad was in his late 70s)

"Hi Dad!"
"Hi! I bought a new car!"
"What did you do to the old one, Dad?" Suspiciously
"I had an accident."
"Oh. Are you ok?"
"Yes"
"Is everyone else ok?"
"Oh yeah..."
"Ok. Now. How bad is the car?"
"The insurance company says it was totaled."
"Umhum. What did you hit, Dad?"
"I hit a boat."
"A boat. Where did you hit a boat, Dad?"
"In the parking lot."
"You hit a boat in a parking lot. Okay... how did you hit a boat in a parking lot, Dad?"
"Well M---- and I had just come back from "Shakespear in the Park", and I was watching her walk back to her car... and I just didn't see it"
"Ok, let me get this straight... you hit a boat, not moving, in a parking lot, because you were watching your girlfriend's ass and you totaled your car?"
"Uh... yeah."
"Ok. (pause) *sigh* Now you can tell me about your new car."

Obviously I remember the conversation vividly!

Day 4796

Mar. 26th, 2006 05:40 pm
wren08: (construction)
The kitchen is finished! I put the wood trim up today... accompanied by some colourful language because it's very hard for me to nail things with my left hand.

Also my auction is going well... so far I have 6 bids and another four hours to go.

I'm looking forward to turning the quilt on the frame (still the Cloudy Interweave) tonight... if I can get Emily to settle down just a bit and tear myself away from watching how the auction is going. The Coffee in Bed top is finished except for the appliqued donuts. I really have to get over my resistance to applique... it opens up so many more design possibilities.

And the teen matters are going well... so far so good on my methods of asserting some control.

80s came for dinner last night and worked on my back... which has been giving me problems for more than a week... so I'm feeling a LOT better today as well.

Elizabeth has acted enough like an adult to win back her internet privileges and she found this for me:

talking cats

Most of the time people don't believe me when I say that it's possible to teach cats to speak english. The first two are good, the others are reaching.

Day 4800

Dec. 12th, 2005 05:21 am
wren08: (Writing)
The party was delightful and fun... the parade was a complete c******-f*** (richly deserved explicative semi-deleted). Mom was a bit of a bitch when I got home from the party. Partly, I'm sure, because Emily had been being a bit of a bitch to her. Em had been trying to go to sleep for two hours before I got home (I got in at 11 pm) and did, in fact, go to bed as soon as I got her home. However, this was mostly a ruse since last night it took two spankings and a severe lecture or two to get her to go to sleep before 11.

I feel like I have not had much of a weekend, however, since I have been busy with work stuff all weekend and I'm still fighting a bit of a cold (not helped at all by 4 hours out in the cold wind yesterday).

I also made the mistake of falling asleep on the couch Saturday afternoon for an hour. I woke up to a burning smell and Emily trying desperately to get the back door open. (It's a sliding glass door and it sticks.) It seems that she had decided she would like a snack of donuts and that they would be better warm. So she carefully put three on a glass plate, covered them with a paper towel, read the donut box as to how long to warm them.... and set the timer on the microwave for 8 minutes. By the time she realized her mistake, the donuts were total charcoal (my kitchen still smells burnt) and the house full of smoke. I got the donuts out of the house, cleared the smoke, explained that :08 meant 8 seconds, not 8 minutes and turning the microwave to 8 gives you 8 minutes. Also, this microwave timer sticks if you turn it past 3 so anything over three minutes has to be done in increments of 3 or less. (I'm not inclined to bitch... it was a free gift when we had no microwave and other than that it works perfectly.) I did praise her for knowing to use a microwave safe plate and to cover the donuts... I've known plenty of older people who don't have that much sense... and told her that the first thing she needs to do in an emergency is get Mommy!.

Day 4841

Nov. 1st, 2005 08:35 pm
wren08: (Default)
This morning as I stumbled into the bathroom (before coffee, even) Liz was putting pink stuff on her eyes all the way up to her eyebrows... and all I could think was "Hallowe'en was yesterday...".

Sometimes my life is a comic strip.

Day 4798

Sep. 5th, 2005 06:55 pm
wren08: (Default)
I didn't plan to do a thing productive today. So naturally I've been busy all day long.

I'm very proud of Emily. Yesterday I spent most of the day trying to get her to clean her room. She spent most of the day throwing tantrums and hiding under the bed.

Today when she got up, I was already cleaning house... no I am not nesting... because I wanted to get the kitchen and bathroom and sewing room swept and mopped before the girls got up. Emily was either inspired by example, impressed by the cats because they have only one toy between them all, or (most likely) afraid that today would be a repeat of yesterday with no TV, no computer and only coming out of her room for meals until she actually cleaned it up. So she got busy and that's the cleanest her room's been in a year or more.

Okay, yes, I helped. I sat on her bed and said things like "Okay, what is that? It's a book? Then where does it go?" and after she organized everything and threw out all the trash, I put her sheets in the washing machine for her and ran the vacuum.

That last took me a lot longer than expected. It is an extremely elderly vacuum, one of the first Hoover uprights, and it hasn't been sounding so good. Before I gave up on it entirely, I broke it down to see if I could patch it together and not have to buy another vacuum for awhile. (My goal is to not buy one at all and keep this one running until I can manage to re-floor this house in hardwood.)

Let me tell you, three long haired girls (and assorted long haired friends of both sexes) and a resident quilter (who is always "thread-ing") plus assorted carpet fibers make a hell of a mess on the inside of a vacuum. However, it is possible to clean out and the vacuum runs much better for it. That sort of thing never used to happen with the canister type vacuum we had before this one but I wouldn't trade for all the tea in China. (I'm sure the thing is still around here somewhere and that I could get it running but it's heavy as sin and I probably couldn't even buy bags for it anymore.)

In spite of the time it took me to repair the vacuum, we were ready to go to the grocery store by 1 pm. I asked my mom if she needed anything (trying to conserve gas) and she asked me if I was sure that I needed to go to the store.

!!!!!!

Even with gas at $3, we are still going to have to go to the grocery store once a week. What a ridiculous question.

Part of the grocery shopping was more cereal for the girls. (They each get to choose one box when they run out... but I have veto power. No Fruit Loops for instance.) Emily chose her Honey Nut Cherrios and Elizabeth got Cinnamon Toast Crunch. When we got home I lined them up on the counter with the bits we still had left. I'm a compulsive label reader and they were all lined up right there... Captain Crunch (Elizabeth's last choice) has 12g of sugar per serving. Uh... no more Captain Crunch! Her choice this time was a little better with only 10 g of sugar per serving. Emily's choice has 9 grams and my Mom's choice (Honey Bunches of Oats) has 8 g. And then at the end is my trusty Total with only 5 g of sugar and 4 times the nutrition of all the rest of them. Perhaps I'm not as sugar addicted as I thought...

While I was making up my bed and Emily's, I began wondering... why do all kids and most grown ups hide things between the mattress and the box springs? We've all done it, all parents know it and most kids do too. So hiding your Playboys there (or worse, under your bed) only guarantees that the kids will find them immediately. (Or your Mom will, if you're a kid.) A better idea for that kind of contraband is to hide it in a hollowed out copy of War and Peace. Leave the first few pages and no one will ever get past that. And parents, tell your kids at every opportunity that it's a great classic the everyone ought to read. Another good place is to hollow out your high school algebra text on the top shelf (like you're ever going to use it again) and use that. Only the very strangest of kids will ever lift that down from the shelf. If you have one of those kids, I have no suggestion... there is no book they will not peruse. (Although behind the washing machine or possibly the laundry soap might be good... those are the kids who don't care what they're wearing, for the most part.)
wren08: (Writing)
Alex has discovered a mouse in the house and, not only will I not help and praise him for trying to catch it, I have absolutely forbidden him to go into the room where it is living. When I did catch him in there last night, I immediately removed him and shut the door. Silly Mom! How can he catch it if the door is shut? He told me just how unreasonable and un-cat-like I was being for over an hour, sitting outside the door last night.
wren08: (Writing)
I finished the garden yesterday.... not without incident. I found a snake skin and was being ever so glad that it was just the skin... and then I noticed that the snake itself was coiled around my longhandled garden fork.

!!!!!

Okay, it's just a black snake... a small one too... but I really really don't like snakes. So I chased him off and he slithered under the front steps where I couldn't see him. Which made it no better since I had to work right up to the steps. Ah....

Enter Simba to the rescue. He had been following me around while I was working and when he saw me get upset about having to work up to the steps where the snake might or might not be, he went under the steps... poked around a little... and laid down facing me and purring. He didn't really chase the snake... but he let it be known that if it came back toward where I was, he'd pounce it. I felt much safer... and really amazed at the ways my cats show how much they love me.

Saturday we had a water fight at work. I didn't know what was going on for a little (since I am at the other end of the lot) and I had already fussed at two of the employees about popping each other with towels (that can get dangerous). When I found out about it, I looked at my boss with that look and said "How am I supposed to convince the children that horseplay is not allowed when I come up here and find you instigating it?"

Of course, everyone slunk around lighting cigarettes and so on so they didn't notice me sidling over to the water hose. I got my boss square in the back... and then the fight was REALLY on! My boss finally took refuge in the supply closet where he thought he'd be safe... until he realized that I had a key too!

Some days it's worth not having a real job.

My menu planning showed off it's usefulness today. I had to work 11 hours and I came home and boiled spaghetti noodles, ran a tray of garlic bread in the oven and chopped up some lettuce and tomatoes. Spaghetti with salad and garlic bread in 15 minutes. (I made the sauce last night.) Of course, Emily has spent 45 minutes fussing about eating the lettuce in her salad and looks fair to make dinner last until bedtime... but that does not surprise.
wren08: (Writing)
Cats, why I hate them.

By the Ex-husband

Cats are, without exception, unrepentant, miserable, recidivist, little self-centered shits, and behavior none would tolerate from a human, people think is very cool in cats. Cats show no gratitude. Dogs lick,
and wag tails, jump up and down, and generally think the idea of someone being around is a great idea, whereas a cat won’t show up until the can opener turns.


After living with me for almost 10 years, you still think that? I have one cat that reminds me it's bedtime... as early as he can get away with... so he can cuddle up to me and love on me and purr until I go to sleep.

Dogs come when called, usually enthusiastically. Cats won’t ever come at all, and if in line of sight affect deafness reminiscent of grannies conveniently malfunctioning hearing aid…but they can hear a refrigerator door opening from 2.6 miles away.

My cats turn up their noses at people food... they have no interest in the refrigerator at all... and they come when called. More so than the kids, as a matter of fact.

Dogs are excited to see you come home, and show it. Cats are annoyed you come home, get mad at having to leave your chair, and piss in your beverage.

No, they piss in your coffee... and she only did it once. And what about my cat that runs to meet me every time I come home even if I've only been over to Mom's for 10 minutes crying pathetically that he missed me?

A dog will, with little training, be persuaded to stay off the counters, and out of the trash. A cat will, at every available opportunity get on the counter or into the trash. Dogs look apologetic when caught, and display remorse. Cats look offended that you had the utter, unmitigated, gall to catch them, and stalk away with their nose in the air – they are career offenders, and don’t give a shit.

My cats almost never get on the counters or the table... they don't even climb the Christmas tree. And the trash is right next to their food dish (small kitchen) and not one of them has ever touched. The dogs,now, tear it up at every chance and I can't break them of it. And when I do catch one of the cats at something they look guilty for hours... and Pixel has actually been heard to say 'Who, me?' very plantively. By you, as a matter of fact.

Dogs are moral, they display love and affection. Cats are amoral, and accept affection when they want it, or scratch you when they don’t. Dogs are protective, and are effective at scaring away burglars, and
protecting children and property from strangers. Cats will sit there and watch the house being emptied or the children threatened while licking a paw –so what? It’s not my stuff. Belongs to those damn humans, help yourself.(This is why felines are seldom seen in a home security role)


Yeah.. the same cats who pounced on you the last time you came over so that you wouldn't take Emily or bother me? Not protective at all, oh no. And I guess they don't display love to you... you don't deserve it and they know it. Dogs couldn't care less as long as you feed them. Very moral.

As to the home security issue... read up on Temple Cats in Siam, please. Cats have been guarding things a lot longer than dogs.

Cats are, as a result, undoubtedly to be regarded as criminals.

By whom? Not me...

People that would ordinarily direct hundreds of workers, make good money, and generally display amazing sense and wit will completely adjust their lifestyles to accommodate a ten pound feline who’s only
contribution is to fill a box of litter with the vilest smelling toxic waste in nature. Sure they bury it – wouldn't’t you? (I never said they were stupid, just evil) I have known many cat owners in my day, and without exception they seem to shrug off the effluvia that assaults the novices nostrils when entering a house with cats. I think cat owners become not merely acclimatized, but addicted to the smell of catshit. Nearly all, when one comments on the smell look blank and say “huh? What smell?”


If you can tell there's a cat box in the house either you haven't cleaned it lately enough (probable)or you're going for the cheapest clay litter (also probable).


The domestic housecat, as most people know it, contributes nothing, beyond occasionally laying a hapless corpse at your feet for you to dispose of. For Pete sakes, even Ted Bundy had the good grace to clean up after himself! However, the pet industry is huge. Billions (yes, with a B) is spent annually by humans to make their felines lives easier. I have known people to make special clothes, spend (I swear on a stack of kibble) thousands (not hundreds, thousands) of dollars to modify their home to allow the cats
climbing places, to get them toys, and in many self proclaimed instances go hungry so their cat would not. Felines now outnumber humans on this continent, and the vast majorities aren't’t self-sustaining,
they are either the product of pets, or are themselves pets.


You wouldn't spend money on anything other than yourself and you let children and pregnant women go hungry so you wouldn't. Or don't you remember that?

Hold on, what the F@#$, over? Who’s the one with the opposable thumbs here? Dominant species my ass. Get a grip! Meanwhile, of course, cats carry on, and while they will occasionally display affection, I grant, it’s amazing how quickly they shift alliances when someone shows up with food.

Just never to you which is what the source of your beef with cats is, I am sure.

I have had friends protest the above comment, usually something with “ but they are warm, and fuzzy and sit in my lap!” So does my electric heating pad, and it’s a lot lower maintenance. Then comes the other comment, “ but he purrs!” Okay, the heating pad doesn't’t purr but I can live with that, and for those who require the auditory stimulation duct tape a vibrator to the damn thing and be done with it! Pound for pound, the purr/warm/fuzzy equation doesn’t equal the annoyance /hatred ratio sufficiently for the math to balance out.

You always did prefer machines to the real thing...

Personally, I like dogs. I put out table scraps, in a pie pan on the porch, and the dogs go nuts, they bark, they get excited, they wag their tails; they generally express that “holy shit, a food source! HOW
COOL!” concept all over the place. Ok, so they aren’t all Lassie, and some are not the brightest creatures on gods green earth – when did you last have a rewarding conversation with a cat? (If the answer is “just recently” its ok sport, there are medications for that.)


What cat would talk to you? You only ever overheard mine talking to me and got scared... you still on those tranquilizers? Time to up the dosage!

I like fish too. Pretty, low maintenance fish are. They are easy to care for and a lot of fun. If you get tired of them, turn up the heater, add spices and in no time you get bouillabaisse. And if they do die, cats can’t just be buried, oh no! Most cities require they be “disposed of”. A fish? You can flush a fish, how could it be simpler?

Ever try and flush a cat?
It’s not easy.
Trust me on this one.


No matter how much I don't trust you, I am not going to try and flush my cat. You go ahead though... I hope the wounds are lethal.

What kid of moron sends this kind of letter to his cat-loving ex-wife? An Eric-moron, of course.
wren08: (Writing)
Well, for the second time in a month, one of our employees is missing a digit tonight that he had firm hold of this morning. This is NOT what I mean when I say we're short handed!

Alan did not react quit the same way as Heidi, which was a blessing. He walked calmly into the office and quietly said "I can handle the pain but someone needs to drive me to the hospital." So no teenage girl hysterics this time. Ryan drove him down to the emergency room and left me with the store... and the unwelcome task of calling Alan's mother. I didn't tell her how bad it was. I thought it would be better for her to find out after she'd already seen him and knew that it was not terribly life threatening.

I remember once when I was at school, a friend stabbed me in the leg with a pencil while we were kidding around. I went down to the school nurse to see if there was anything I needed to do (after all, it's called pencil lead... at 10 years old I was unaware that it was really graphite.) and she called my Mom. Okay, well, I wouldn't have called my Mom at work about something so small but she was an adult and so I thought she should know. The nurse got my Mom on the line and said "Hello, Mrs F___ ? This is ___ ___ school. Gretchen's been stabbed."

I had sudden visions of my Mom having a heart attack right there at her desk and I grabbed the phone and said "In the LEG with a PENCIL!!! I'm FINE, Mom."

This was what was in my head when I was calling Alan's Mom to tell her that he'd cut the tip of his finger off... plus he's always on about how delicate she is.

On top of that I have a friend going through a bad time with family that I can not help at all. Which drives me crazy... I want to help!

Hence, the scotch. Thank goodness my vacation started at 6:30 tonight.

Day 4821

Jan. 25th, 2005 05:23 pm
wren08: (Writing)
LOL!!!

oh my! I wish you guys could have heard that!

Pixel was in the bathroom running and I heard claws scrabbling madly and then a big thud and then a small plaintive voice say "oww." very quietly.

Pixel is, by the way, fine. He's having a hard week of it though. Last night when I was petting him after I turned out the light, there was so much static that it looked like miniature lightening. He finally quit when it jumped off his nose to my hand.
wren08: (Default)
(If you have a cat, you will appreciate this)

On the first day of Christmas, my kitten ruined for me........
A batch of my special hand-print cookies. I had turned my back to grab the cookie sheet sitting on the stove. In that micro-second, Sara climbed onto the table, poked her paw into the delightfully kneady mixture and, suddenly off-balance, fell into the cookie dough. Net loss? Six cups of flour, four cups of sugar, three sticks of butter.... Of course, it would have been cheaper to remove the feline ingredient, pick out the hairs, and just rename the recipe Paw Print Cookies.


On the second day of Christmas, my kitten accompanied me........
On a trip to the vet clinic. Who knew that skinny curling ribbon has feline taste appeal? I didn't. Damages: $28 for the office visit, $36 for anesthesia so the veterinarian could take $55 X-rays in case Sara had taste-tested any other Christmas decorations, and a heck of a lot of embarrassment when the vet removed the 3' curly tail in slightly less than two seconds by tugging at it with a pair of tweezers.

On the third day of Christmas, my kitten wrecked for me........
13 ornaments on my Christmas tree. My mistake was forgetting to chain the decorations to the branches. My other error was leaving the room to go to the bathroom while Sara feigned sleeping under the tree. How was I to know the was actually measuring its climbing potential? Value of broken bulbs? $7.50 plus tax.

On the fourth day of Christmas, my kitten broke for me........
A statue in my Lenox Nativity. Would you believe two Wise men plus a head? Lenox nativity figurines: $55.99.

On the fifth day of Christmas, my kitten scratched for me........
The kid across the street who collects for charity. It was an accident. She merely wanted to reach out and touch someone. Unfortunately, she used a unsheathed claw to do so. I settled out-of-court for the cost of a jacket to replace the boy's blood stained one and a hefty donation to the charity of their choice. Although the amount must remain secret according to our settlement, let me put it this way. You haven't seen many soldiers for the Salvation Army this year, have you? Think: Major Windfall!

On the sixth day of Christmas, my kitten opened for me........
The presents beneath my Christmas tree. It was only two, really. While doing some early shopping at a discount store, I purchased a catnip mouse for Sara's stocking. Apparently, anything in the same bag as catnip takes on its potent aroma for a very long time. Replacement costs: $3.99 for another roll of Christmas wrapping paper, $4.50 for two empty boxes, $1 each for the kind of bows Sara can't unravel.

On the seventh day of Christmas, my kitten lost for me........
The earrings I bought for my sister Mary. Actually, it was one earring but since Mary doesn't have a hole in her nose or navel, a pair of matching earrings does make a more appealing gift. Sale price: $29.95 plus tax.

On the eighth day of Christmas, my kitten helped me........
Replace my E and G guitar strings. Would you believe a kitten could fit into the itty-bitty hole in the middle of my Yamaha guitar? Neither could I, but Sara thought so. And she succeeded once she got those rascally strings out of the way. Unfortunately, her little rear end couldn't get out the way I came in. After paying through the whiskers for her previous escapades, I would have been willing to leave her in the guitar for the duration of the holiday season, except that she chose to get stuck two hours before I was due at the nursing home for our annual Christmas carol sing-a-long. Set of steel guitar strings: $12.95; jar of petroleum jelly: 79 cents.

On the ninth day of Christmas, my kitten destroyed for me........
My Christmas card list when she walked across my computer's delete key. Cost for call to Computer Country's 900/help line: $17.50. And I still don't know what happened to the listings of B through H.

On the tenth day of Christmas, my kitten hid from me........
The remote control from my 13-inch TV. This wouldn't be such a disaster if she hadn't previously stolen the power knob. I missed a week's worth of Christmas specials, including my all-time favorite, "It's a Wonderful Life." Rental of "It's a Wonderful Life": $2; purchase of book, "Good owners, great cats": $24.95. Unfortunately, it never mentions the psychological profile of kittens with kleptomania.

On the eleventh day of Christmas, my kitten ate for me........
The drumsticks off my 19-pound turkey. OK,OK, so this one time it was my fault. I knew I never should have uttered those now infamous words: "Your first turkey, Sara. Want to try just a little piece?" Cost: Christmas Dinner.

On the 12th day of Christmas........
Sara rested. And so, thank goodness, did my VISA card.

Originally posted by [profile] macaholic

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wren08

August 2011

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